haiz...today happen alota of thingx...first is my damn a math exam...alota dunno how to do...fuck...den my toot math teacher gib me back my e math paper...although i get highest for paper 1...i am not satisfied...cus some of the toot marks i lost cus nv do toot working...or is careless...knn...nbcb...think bout it...i feel like slapping myself...haiz...den at tuition...try to explain to my fren how to do a quest...my cb teacher gib comments bout it...and say do anything we wan...but dun teach...wtf...like she veri gd like tt...more careless mistakes den i make...fucking teacher...the worst is not all the above...the worst was...went home after tuiton log in to msn...chat wib a fren(a gal i like last time which i tht it was suppose to be...)i saw her nick...and she said tt she love her stead 4eva...for a moment...i tht tt was nth...but the more i think...the sadder i become...i tht i had 4gotten the crush,the lust for her...but it seems its still there...how?!?how?!?! i feel tt i am the most useless guy in the world...cant even win a gal's heart...i told my godsis bout it...and she said maybe i really lub her...but me myself do not noe bout it...jus trying to run away fr her...today is really a damn bad day for me...the last thing i ever wan to remember is today...who can help me?!?! i tink this is wat god has planned for me...wan to go tru all this sh!ts! sometimes i really wan to be coldblooded like some gals do...no feeling at all...no lust no nth...but god make a weakness for man...and tts woman...haiz...this is bad...real bad...i hv to put this behind me...look forward...there r more impt things for me to do den love life...my most impt exam of my life...O level...hv to stop thinking bout it...hv to study 100x harder...cus whole yr round slacking...i pray tt god will protect me always...in wat ever i do...he will bless me...aman... k write until here...hv to slp...buai journal...

alvin
20/9/2004

miss her always plus study hard...